Things Have Changed

Hey Owlets,

You may have noticed that I’ve been a bit light on the blog post front recently. Being honest, 2017 has been both one of the best years of my life, but also with only two months of the year left, it’s pretty much been a write off. 

When I went on the cruise, I was running away to escape life for a while and it worked. I came back and vowed that I would stay how I felt after two weeks of finding myself along the Mediterranean coast. Obviously though, that didn’t last and I was soon retreating back under the duvet because it was easier than facing real life. 

When I ran away from everything, I was running from some people that had made me incredibly unhappy. I feel like it’s not something I’ve addressed anywhere outside of my circle of close friends, but for probably the last three months I’ve had messages asking if Adam and I were still together and at the time we were just about - we were together in name but we barely saw each other and I was utterly miserable. Last week we decided to go our separate ways, we still want to be friends but for now I’m just getting on with life and making the most of my new found freedom and confidence.

I think sometimes it can be difficult to keep up when everything changes around you so quickly. A year ago I was in a relationship that was making me incredibly unhappy, struggling to finish my degree, surrounded by toxic friends and my one outlet was a tiny blog that no one knew about. Now I’m a graduate, surrounded by only a few friends, but people that celebrate my success  rather than punish me for it. I’m still trying to find my feet, and this year as my blog has grown and I seem to spend more and more time in the spotlight I’ve struggled to cope - I never gave it a thought when I created The Owlet that I would one day be speaking to tens of thousands of people from across the globe. The hate I was receiving both from “friends” and strangers stuck with me and outshone all of the incredible comments I received every day, because when there was so much negativity in my life it was easier to pile the rest on top, rather than look for a silver lining.

Last Wednesday I didn’t sleep - I spent all night crying. Not through heartbreak, but shock. On Thursday I was due to visit Birmingham and Mum near enough pushed me out the door - she actually drove me to the train station to make sure I would go - and I needed it. I got there, met up with a friend and spent an hour crying into my cappuccino. The bit I’m missing out is that I was drinking that coffee on the roof of a 4 star luxury hotel in the centre of my favourite city. When you say it like that, it sounds a bit stupid doesn’t it? 

That day was the last time I cried. I scooped myself up, fixed my panda eyes and drowned my sorrows in something stronger than coffee. I spent the afternoon sipping bubbly and chatting with an amazing group of bloggers that I’ve come to consider personal friends, accompanied by the best afternoon tea I’ve ever tasted and when, at 4 O’Clock in the afternoon, Broad Street was swaying I laughed instead of worrying. 

This week I learnt something - life is all about perspective. It doesn’t matter how unhappy you feel at the time - there is always something good around the corner, however little it is. I’ve spent the week cutting people out of my life left, right and centre. The way these “friends” treated me makes me wonder how I ever put up with them. I ended the week with my number of friends reduced to single figures, but they’re people I love, trust and honestly couldn’t live without.

This time last week I sat on the sofa, incapable of holding it together for more than 10 minutes at a time. This week I’ve had one of the best weeks of my life. I’ve travelled, spent time with friends, met new people and felt genuinely happy, without the aid of a luxury cruise ship.

I won’t be broken and I wont be beaten. After everything I’ve been through this year I’m more determined than ever that I will succeed and I will be happy doing so. It’s time to paint on some bright red lipstick, put on a smile, and go make the most of life. And yes, that does include swimming in the sea fully clothed.

Love and Feathers, 

 The (New and Improved) Owlet 💜 

You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Bloglovin & Snapchat.